An Unedited Life

I have always thought if we will BE together....even after death.... she whispered.. looking into his eyes, holding his hands. “Yes,ofcourse.. and why not? Do you think anyone can separate you from me?” he replied sitting beside the hospital bed she was lying on... “I am obviously old and weak. But my heart is strong.... I can knock anyone down who tries to take you away from me.... But I do fear.... that I will lose you..I will never get to see you again. I am scared of falling in that deep emptiness from where I will never return.... Her wrinkled hands grabbed his hand tighter than ever.... A shining drop of sacred tear fell from her charming eyes. “But you won’t lose me...ever...I will always stay by your side. even in that dark emptiness that you fear.....I will never let you go.” he said holding her hand and pulling it close to his heart... She paused and said “But this disease and the limit of my life will defeat you. You’ll have to let me go.” and tears roll...

in the middle of the night, he woke up and stared at their picture on his mobile . Then, he spent the night watching all their photos. But he wasn’t happy. The photos were not making him euphoric. They were hurting him.They were torturing him. He wanted to delete them all, but he also wanted to live them .The photos became his sleeping pills, dangerous but mandatory.  It took her just one sentence and one second to end all that he built. “I am not happy in this relationship” she said. Whatever he did for her was unconditional. He never asked her to reciprocate the feelings. Why did she started loving with no purpose of continuing it.? And she thought, like other people in her life, this one too will forget everything and move on.! I pity her for never  understanding that she had a gem. And she threw it away on her own. For him, love became a fallacy. He feels guilty of loving someone to that extent. He was finding it more difficult to breath than to stop breathing....

Some times ago, I was sitting in metro reading a book. A novel of course. After some time, I realised that my mind was at unusually at peace and every other person appeared to be chaotic to me.  Uncle sitting near me was busy in his phone, as were half of the people in metro. A lady was struggling to keep her child in one place and was repeatedly failing at it as the echo of that child reached the top. Everytime train stops he rolls down there. Trying to ignore the commotion around me, I was trying to finish that one line I was trying to read since five minutes.  I realised one thing that day. Whatever your mind goes through, a good book can help it get back to normal. Not meditation, not prayers, nothing. The great author Ruskin Bond says “I write for those people, who even today, buy books from the shop and read. I like to sow the seeds of happiness through each page I write and would like to do it for the rest of my life.”

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He sat at the desk, tears once again filling his eyes. Looking at the pile of letters makes his heart break a little, every time he sees them.  He needed them to be real, but they were never mailed.  They had no actual destination, just in his imagination. It’s the way he handles it, learned to deal with it, otherwise he couldn’t go on. Every day he writes another, some days more than one. he notes the weather, what’s blooming in the garden, what friends he met for dinner, all casual conversations he would have said to her if she were near.  And then the love is written, expressing his passion for her and how he wished she was there. He speaks of his loneliness when he goes to bed at night without her. He tells her how much he misses her and longs to join her. He writes these words every day.  When the week is done he gathers them in a ribbon and attaches a rose. He makes the journey to her grave and leaves them there.  He knows she finds them because eac...

Hello... I am your diary. I am considered as everyone's best friend. Everyone pens down their story on me. everyone know I can hide their feeling and will not judge them. I will just listen them quietly. Silently telling them i will be with you. Now it’s time to reveal my truth, to make hear my words and journey of my life. I have seen many eyes in the form of species called humans. Till the time I’m made to sold I see people has feeling of getting earned through me. My cleaned pages and attractive covering will tell the amount of food they earn and keeping me in the visibility of his owner so that I could be sold out for his survival. He created me for his own needs. After getting sold out. I’m under the control of another owner I don’t know what kind of owner is he, whether an office worker, student, teacher, writer, poet, or just simply a person. When she/he opened me first I was legally given Authority of the person i am sold to.. By getting the name and identity ment...

So much is always going around you. So much is always changing around you. You always have this thin air of emotions you can sense, but its hard to sense all of it. Right now I am in so much emotions that I need so much and so many things to express. So many questions! So many answers I am looking for. I wish I could do something to keep myself distracted but theres nothing. I am traveling in metro. I feel the need to talk to someone, but still have noone to talk to. The ones I can talk to are either busy, away or Its not a good idea to talk to them about it now. So what do I have? I have words, I have thoughts, I have endless emotions. Well, I remember this quote I read somewhere which said “Me is all I have”. That is so true. Your true self is the best you have, for you can be there always. Its hard to accept that a little company makes it much easier for you to distract yourself from all these things, but you cannot depend on them. You can depend on yourself though....

Unrequited love. The kind where you just submit to the heartbreak. No angst or hatred. Pure submission. Remember when you spent hours checking your phone waiting to get a message from that one person, when their smile would brighten up the worst day of your life? Those are the moments in which we grow, we evolve. Heartbreaks teach us so much. It is fascinating. You learn that though you feel a hole in your heart, it is your only companion. All that love bubbling up inside, flows down your cheeks from you eyes every night. You consciously decide to let go of them and still your eyes search for them in the crowds. With time you learn to desensitize to those feelings and then suddenly, one day, you again bump into them. That is when you realize how much you have matured in that phase. You no longer need any validation from them. You no longer need their attention. You know that some things are not meant to be and it was not that bad of an experience. You feel lucky to ha...

Suffocated....... Choked....... Not of breath... But  of emotions........ Sometimes  sharing your emotions doesn’t help. Sometimes you want to speak your heart out, but not all things are meant to be spoken. Those emotions gets cultivated in your mind and heart to such an extent that you start having a feel that it’s not actually you who is feeling suffocated.. it’s your soul. I read this line somewhere, “  Sleep doesn’t help, if it’s your soul that’s tired ” . It said it all in just one line. Sometimes it feels your breath is getting heavy and heavier every time you exhale and inhale.. you don’t feel good in whatever activities you get involved into.. There comes a time when you don’t feel that sad in your worst situations and not so happy in your better world. Something where words won’t be able to justify itself to come out with its true essence. Sometimes, you get a feeling that you are going to miss a train.. you are running hell fast, that train is als...

It was 3 o clock in the afternoon that Day, I had a heavy breakfast so wasn’t feeling that hungry till that time. But after 3 I suddenly got my appetite back, so I thought of heading to Food Belle restaurant. I tell you guys, if you really want to have a taste of real biriyani in Ranchi, you should go there. I am sure you are confused after reading the preface because it has no relation what so ever with the tittle of it. dear friends, there is a link, a deep link. so let me not try your patience anymore and come straight to the point. For the very first time I have felt something so new. no, I didn’t mean that for the first time I was jealous. no, of course, I am no saint, I have been jealous about so many things before, I was jealous about so many people. but this time I felt jealous about something, which is purely different for me, may be not different for others. But for me, it is the first time. So I was reached there by 3.30 pm. ordered a mutton biriyani ...

That one moment pushed him into being something which he himself feared.  He always wanted to be the good guy. The darkness overtook him. His eyes exuded that darkness. Those cold look in his eyes. He could just kill someone with that look only. A war was going on inside him every second between his good and bad side but everytime his bad side won because there was no one to hold his hand and give him that strength to face it. The world was totally unknown of this fight that was going on inside him. They failed to understand why he’s behaving like this. They were just ashamed of his behaviour and thoughts. He was totally confused about what was happening to his thoughts. With every passing second, his mind was going off the track. He was feeling way more than he could think. He had become a true heartless person.

A story of a man, who loved a woman from the past,  when their paths cross again he had to make a bigger choice. Whether to take a rough path with her or follow the calling he thought was his real purpose in life. Is he brave enough to follow his heart desire and give up everything he already started – the dream that is known for his friends and families? Is  that  wonderful kiss they shared enough to change everything? “A kiss I longed, a kiss I’ll never forget. The most beautiful kiss I  ever had…” CHAPTER ONE -UNEXPECTED CALL I’ve never seen her for so long. I regretted the days I had no courage to tell her what I feel. I love her smile, her silly laugh, and her long shiny black hair. I wondered when will I be seeing them again. I was laying on my bed staring  at the four corners of this empty room. I’m alone and really sad, I left without talking to her. I’m wondering what she is up to now. Is she happy with someone else? I guess ...

A loud knock at the door woke her up, irritated she got up to scold the unwanted visitor. But on opening the door, she fell short of words. None other than the guy from her dreams was standing there. Was she dreaming again? Or was he right there? “Ahmm, hello. Sorry to have disturbed your sleep but it was a bit of urgent. Do you mind if I come in and explain to you the matter?”, the guy’s eyes were pleading. She held the door open for him to come in but couldn’t manage any words yet. “I am a painter.”, he began, “For the last couple of months I have been seeing a face in my dreams. Have a look at these paintings of that face”. She seemed to have lost her voice, the girl in the portraits was none other than her! “We have not met and I was not sure if such a face even existed. But technology helped me and through a common friend in your city I got your address. You match this picture perfectly. You might not even believe my story and take me for a stalker but this is not a joke. Thou...

Again ..no please...same dream.. Who is this guy that haunts you every night?”, says a concerned roommate. But instead of replying she seemed lost in her own world, her world of dreams. She knew for sure that this guy in her dreams wasn’t haunting her, his deep intense eyes meant no harm. She even saw a touch of love in them, or so she imagined! Days passed,months passed and with every passing dream of this unknown man, she felt a magnet towards him. “Maybe I am in love.”, she thought , enough to get her roommate all aroused. But on knowing the truth of this love for a man who does not exist only amplified her concerns for her silly friend. “You can’t fall for an imaginary person, come back before it’s too damn late.”, was all she could manage. But it was already too late. Then one day… A news article caught her attention, “Your mind can’t create faces, the people you see in your dreams are not imaginary. At some point...

People always say they will stay and we,the broken one’s, believe all their sugar coated lines just because they helped us fix the broken pieces of our heart. Everything goes fine until one day,out of the blue,they say,”lets end this.” And you have no clue about what went wrong. You both have been talking for months now. But after that moment ,everything changed.All those waiting hours and late night chats meant nothing now.Because now “Online” never changes to “typing…” . Those single grey ticks which once turned double blue ticks directly ,doesn’t change to double anymore. You used to smile before ,You smile now and I’m sure you will smile in the future as well . But there’s a huge difference anyone barely knows about..  You used to smile for them then. They were the reason behind your untimely giggles because everything they did,all those nuisance,mistakes seemed cute then and even if you were angry with some t...

​You meet many people in your life that you come to love. Some, you keep for a lifetime. Most, you have to learn to live without. They say, “There is an end to everything; to good things as well.” When people leave, they take a part of us with themselves.  They leave memories. Some song, some place, some movie, some story, would always remind you of them and you’ll never be able to hear that song or see that movie or place or read that story without being affected. And mostly, these will only bring you down. When you would want to move on with your life, erase the pain that comes with the knowledge that those people are no longer in your life; that one song or that one place wouldn’t let you do it.  You would cry, whine and when someone else would come to fill the void that was left by the ones who’ve already left, you wouldn’t let them; just because one song, one movie made you hang on to the memories so tight, that you damage...

I’m drawn to toxic people. I’m infatuated with pain, broken pieces, and challenges. There’s absolutely no question about why I’m like this though. Growing up with poisonous people made me the twisted heart I am. Recently, I’ve found myself growing out of it and I’m absolutely okay with it. I spent so many years of my short life with people who were just so draining and toxic. The shitty part is that you don’t always know until things go bad and they throw so many knives in your back. I allowed so many toxic people to drain my kindness and hopefulness that it drove me into, what I thought was, an irreversible depression. Truth is, if you spend too much time fucking around with toxic people, you become toxic. I invested too much into the wrong people who I started hurting others too. “Misery loves company” is no joke and I fell in love with destroying people emotionally. It’s fucked up, but I don’t regret it, I wish things would’ve turned out different but all the things I did tu...

A 100 meter long queue, noise of the music being played in the  nearby central park , continuous sound of horns due to heavy traffic around and all those killing bites of mosquitoes….😦 Obviously not an amazing atmosphere for a date !! But there they were, standing beside each other, waiting in the queue and talking about all random things going around them.. They didn’t realize when their conversation drifted from random things to the things about themselves…. The little talks of how they fell for each other from the very beginning, how they always knew it was meant to happen, the moments of love and care they shared, the silly arguments which never let them apart for more than few minutes and all this went on and on… Lost in this amazing conversation, they suddenly noticed that their turn to use the ATM was next and that moment made them realize how perfectly they were made for each other, that even a 100 meter long queue and the most unromantic ...