2 months in Bangalore -2

It was 3:42 in the morning. Though my room’s light went out a long ago, I still can’t sleep. I hear the fan humming, the clock ticking, the insects chirping. HSR is a quiet place. The ticking clock makes me anxious.The distant sound of passing vehicles is quite clear. Random thoughts keep on striking my mind.  My eyes are closed. But my brain seems to have reached a super active state. I am not insomniac. Lots of intrusive and disturbing thoughts seem to be intertwined as several knotted and length ropes in my cerebrum. I feel lost. There’s a sudden urge to do something, an urge to separate out those intertwined ropes and lay them straight of the table floor as if i have identified all my problems clearly.

I live far from where i belong now. Before moving tobangalore, my path was fixed. A lot had been decided like the stream and coaching  to choose after class 12th and the college to choose after AIEEE. I had long term goals like Placements, a better life,a job in some gigantic company. which i fucked up, i know. But now i am free. I can take my own decisions. The choices are innumerable and to pick one out of them with certainity is a gamble. I think it’s this pain of freedom (to take own decision) which keeps me awake. The innumerable choices spread across my day to day matters of career, personal interests, technology and money.

Everyday, many friends, relatives, team mates and acquaintances touch my life momentarily. I hear about my college friends, seniors switching jobs or my colleagues taking up higher studies. Few joining Intel,Netcrackers,Tcs even Google , Few taking Gate,SSC THING. Sometimes, I find an acquaintance’s start up idea getting funded while other time, i find big companies launching their revolutionary technology.

Fear is necessary evil. It is the fear of stalled career growth which provokes us to choose between mentioned innumerable choices. Another common fear which many of us encounter is the Fear of missing out(FoMO). We have been told that youth is the time to enjoy. I often fear that this time may never come back. Thus i constantly check if i was putting enough time on my interests as well. I didn't want to miss out the unplanned trips, the mad dancing at Pubs, the sweet moments with her, etc. I fear of missing out the hobbies/interests which i could develop today. Should i learn some musical instrument, may be guitar?Am i postponing my gym or a lot? Will tomorrow be too late to meet random people and see their lives? Many a times i stop and think if i am continuing my passion of writing,reading, or have i left them far behind?

Continue....

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